Its so weird writing for yourself(like write the blog and later read it urself and laughing at it urself..duh)..n speaking to yourself..conversations inside ur fishmarket mind..sometimes only 2 voices in the fishmarket..urs and urs..) and then posing for a self timed camera..and try to give a cheese smile for some imaginary cute photographer waiting to fall for ur smile..lol and hanging posters of dead people..and looking at them as if they were alive in the pics and watching you :P..crazy aint it..
u know for sure that theres never going to be any kind of retaliation to whatever you say or do. total inclusion of whateevr you do cos that dead thing or nothingness doesnt expect anything from you in return..whoa! what a great feeling! :D
these r the symptoms you get when you start doing writing a litearature review for just 2 hours..imagine ppl doing research! ......err .. now!!!!i might as well think twice abt my research dreams!!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
to anyone
please dont read anything below this post..its only going to junk your cache memory in your computer n brain! i mean it!
how i wonder what you are !! deep inside my mind so vast...
How do i feel this mental voidness, emotional numbness..? the destination i have reached thru an invisible path..this is intriguing..! :) is this an outcome of some past happening of an extreme emotion..or some kind of loosing oneself stuff..its very interesting whatever it is. im surprised that my fingers are typing something even though fully drenched in this voidness..again intriguing..i ask myself why? but the question is lost somewhere in the unfathomably void spaces of my mind..i get no answer. i dont need to know now. for i get the same reaction whenever i experience an emotion of any kind. so theres no use. :)
i read this .. and these words appears to equally startle me every time i read it
"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the
huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at
the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the
stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering."
-- St. Augustine
i read this .. and these words appears to equally startle me every time i read it
"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the
huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at
the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the
stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering."
-- St. Augustine
nastiness to nothingness
me and wilderness of thoughts in the chaos filled brainpatterns..someone please stop my mind!!!!!!!! i close my eyes, experience that killing silence and smile in a big achievement.. i wish i could stop it at my will..forever shut down this fishmarket trading bewildered thoughts of quandaries with intermittent glimpses of unknown nothingness as if this mind machine needs a stop-gap to function again! windows of my eyes ceases to see the colourful rainbow..its fed up of it..wants a change.. wants to close itself and get lost in the colours of the heart dictated fantasy drama of all times!
yet another menatl diarrhoea gushing out with blisters of semi filled quantas of stupidity, nonsense and illogical expressions of the perplexed mind.
yet another menatl diarrhoea gushing out with blisters of semi filled quantas of stupidity, nonsense and illogical expressions of the perplexed mind.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Ultimately all philosophies and ideals boil down to one single thing : "a happy existence"
One might as well think twice about it..are we "really" happy by sticking onto them. The kind of security it offers us by "being" something, by "calling" us something is not mere an identity but basically a pseudo colour painted on our supposedly blank faces. ideally its not true. we think we become superior with those colours on us..shdnt we think abt it? This world is too far colourful itself to see thru our coloured eyes. we might as well have the freedom to see the world afresh and rejoice it than to wear our coloured maskes and blame it for being not as what we wanted!
One might as well think twice about it..are we "really" happy by sticking onto them. The kind of security it offers us by "being" something, by "calling" us something is not mere an identity but basically a pseudo colour painted on our supposedly blank faces. ideally its not true. we think we become superior with those colours on us..shdnt we think abt it? This world is too far colourful itself to see thru our coloured eyes. we might as well have the freedom to see the world afresh and rejoice it than to wear our coloured maskes and blame it for being not as what we wanted!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Comfortably Numb
It was morning..I opened the window curtain..it was a bright day..
the sun slowly appeared..its golden rays fell on my eyes..I kept my both hands open..to feel its warmth of the rarely spotted sun..I dint feel warmer.. it fell on me..but never would want to show how harsh it could be..i kept there..waiting..for its warmth..no luck..and so i removed..i smiled..in realisation..realised the warmth i was recieving all the while without my notice.
Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone
the sun slowly appeared..its golden rays fell on my eyes..I kept my both hands open..to feel its warmth of the rarely spotted sun..I dint feel warmer.. it fell on me..but never would want to show how harsh it could be..i kept there..waiting..for its warmth..no luck..and so i removed..i smiled..in realisation..realised the warmth i was recieving all the while without my notice.
Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone
Monday, September 22, 2008
numbers!! numbers!! and more numbers!!
ever since i landed in uk..im all surrounded with many 4 digit numbers!! the fact that im a very absent minded person..remembering numbers is very challenging! :D theres a 6 digit alphanumer to enter our flat.. and then theres a 4 digit to enter the laundry..and then a 4 digit for library..and then another 4 digit ATM card..gosssssshhhhhhhhhh! I once forgot my newly changed email password and was desperatley trying to recall!!! :D thanks to one tech savy friend of mine who gave me some trick to retrieve the password..now thats how my memory is..
One lazy sunday afternoon i visited the laundry and was very happy since i could recall the password..but..eventually the happiness dint last long..i forgot the password to enter my flat..lol..since i had just returned from the library..i had jumbled all the numbers..and i was helplessly standing before the door blinking of what can be done..i tried all combinations..swapped numbers..*9787..no..*8797..no...*8779..no..arrrrgh! luckily my friend noticed my plea and came to my rescue. I decided to store the numbers in my cell phone..but sometimes i forget to take my cell phone :D..so thats not a wise option..I sat diligently and got the numbers into my head by rote!!! whoaaaaaaaaa!! jus like some primary kid learning math tables..lol..
This evening i was returning home after a satisfying walk..my friend from kenya was outside our residence and he told me the good news.."hey neeru..im just coming from the reception..it seems they have changed the password numbers for flat and laundry" ! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
One lazy sunday afternoon i visited the laundry and was very happy since i could recall the password..but..eventually the happiness dint last long..i forgot the password to enter my flat..lol..since i had just returned from the library..i had jumbled all the numbers..and i was helplessly standing before the door blinking of what can be done..i tried all combinations..swapped numbers..*9787..no..*8797..no...*8779..no..arrrrgh! luckily my friend noticed my plea and came to my rescue. I decided to store the numbers in my cell phone..but sometimes i forget to take my cell phone :D..so thats not a wise option..I sat diligently and got the numbers into my head by rote!!! whoaaaaaaaaa!! jus like some primary kid learning math tables..lol..
This evening i was returning home after a satisfying walk..my friend from kenya was outside our residence and he told me the good news.."hey neeru..im just coming from the reception..it seems they have changed the password numbers for flat and laundry" ! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
numbers
life is filled with surprises..! and fun which we sometimes miss out to notice..
now this number game is really funny..
14 have started becoming red letter days in my life..
lol
may 14 i got the conformation
sep 14 im wrting abt it.. well i jus realised it ! nothing intentional!
bye guys
enjoy the spirit of life!
now this number game is really funny..
14 have started becoming red letter days in my life..
lol
may 14 i got the conformation
sep 14 im wrting abt it.. well i jus realised it ! nothing intentional!
bye guys
enjoy the spirit of life!
erasmus mundus - Yet another miracle in my life
Finally here i am, within coordinates of soton..breathing the air of The United Kingdom..an erasmus student enrolled for the GEM course.
It is said that the journey is more interesting than the destination ..how true!
Well it all started one fine afternoon when i was browsing abt admission in uni of edinburgh..jus then i happened to get connected to a net friend of mine who suggested me to apply for this erasmus course ! My jaws dropped at the very structure of studying in 4 different countries! i had all dreams for it since then! i badly needed dreams to move on with something after my failure in pursuit of becoming a pilot! I was doing my masters in gandhigram, for a person who was bred in a metro like chennai..gandhigram had something different to offer and teach lessons for lifetime! i enjoyed(lil bit of culture shock too)..the change ! i understood how important it is to accept "change" in life..not jus change but change that signifies a lot of difference !!!
and now again i was expecting another massive "change" in my life to happen to escape from the present change (but ironically i started loving it ) life is too crazy to make you good when you actually even decide to becoming better..:) ..and yea theres lot of diff between "accepting" change and "expecting" change..but both need miracles to happen!
well i think im talking too much of philosophy..but then cant help it! :D
so i since then i jsu did all possible steps to butify my application process for erasmus.
i learnt a lot throughout the process.
discovered a lot of "me"s ..was surprised by myself many a times..! fortunately things fell in the place.. motivation letter(i wrote why the course is imp for me and lil abt my background and why me for the course..etc etc ..honest ideas) and then the reco letetrs..happen to get good [;)] reco letters from my profs..for once in my life i could see destinty act in my life positively..may be tahts wat tehy call "blessing" from above..
by late oct i appeared for toefl(quite apprehensively) though managed to get some decent scores..and then by late nov i applied for 3 courses in erasmus..[1st priority to the course in which i am now]..i heaved a big sigh and came out of the gandhigram post office ! :)
and then it was wait ..wait ..eternal wait till may 14th when i actually recved a mail from the gem coordinators reg selection!!
Many many many helped me during the process!! directly..indirectly...god knows how much i bugged them all for information, guidance and favour. I was jus unduly lucky to have come across in my life during the right time!!
every step was a miracle. small miracles leading to the big miracle!
I now cherish what einstein said ...
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
and I go with the second :)
It is said that the journey is more interesting than the destination ..how true!
Well it all started one fine afternoon when i was browsing abt admission in uni of edinburgh..jus then i happened to get connected to a net friend of mine who suggested me to apply for this erasmus course ! My jaws dropped at the very structure of studying in 4 different countries! i had all dreams for it since then! i badly needed dreams to move on with something after my failure in pursuit of becoming a pilot! I was doing my masters in gandhigram, for a person who was bred in a metro like chennai..gandhigram had something different to offer and teach lessons for lifetime! i enjoyed(lil bit of culture shock too)..the change ! i understood how important it is to accept "change" in life..not jus change but change that signifies a lot of difference !!!
and now again i was expecting another massive "change" in my life to happen to escape from the present change (but ironically i started loving it ) life is too crazy to make you good when you actually even decide to becoming better..:) ..and yea theres lot of diff between "accepting" change and "expecting" change..but both need miracles to happen!
well i think im talking too much of philosophy..but then cant help it! :D
so i since then i jsu did all possible steps to butify my application process for erasmus.
i learnt a lot throughout the process.
discovered a lot of "me"s ..was surprised by myself many a times..! fortunately things fell in the place.. motivation letter(i wrote why the course is imp for me and lil abt my background and why me for the course..etc etc ..honest ideas) and then the reco letetrs..happen to get good [;)] reco letters from my profs..for once in my life i could see destinty act in my life positively..may be tahts wat tehy call "blessing" from above..
by late oct i appeared for toefl(quite apprehensively) though managed to get some decent scores..and then by late nov i applied for 3 courses in erasmus..[1st priority to the course in which i am now]..i heaved a big sigh and came out of the gandhigram post office ! :)
and then it was wait ..wait ..eternal wait till may 14th when i actually recved a mail from the gem coordinators reg selection!!
Many many many helped me during the process!! directly..indirectly...god knows how much i bugged them all for information, guidance and favour. I was jus unduly lucky to have come across in my life during the right time!!
every step was a miracle. small miracles leading to the big miracle!
I now cherish what einstein said ...
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
and I go with the second :)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
why?
god
give me brains
brains alone
to understand and explore
your mighty creations galore...
or
god
give me mind
mind aloneto think, cognise
devise ideas for life..
or
god give me heart
heart alone
to feel love, compassion
spread my wings of freedom n
to taste the honey of bliss
god
why did you give me these all?
or give me another entity which can get me out of this everlasting war!
give me brains
brains alone
to understand and explore
your mighty creations galore...
or
god
give me mind
mind aloneto think, cognise
devise ideas for life..
or
god give me heart
heart alone
to feel love, compassion
spread my wings of freedom n
to taste the honey of bliss
god
why did you give me these all?
or give me another entity which can get me out of this everlasting war!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Haiku - i call life !
Its my humble wish to trap my experiences in 3 lines..and call it a haiku..!
some may mock..others enjoy!
some may mock..others enjoy!
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